people take effort

It takes so much effort to stay in touch with people. Not just to "hang out" as it has been called but to actually express an active interest in their lives. With school being busy recently it was easy to avoid people. There were important things that I needed to do schoolwise and I figured I would just catch up later with the people. I look at the catching up that I have to do and don't know where to start. I figured I would write an excused filled blog about why I don't want to spend any time with anyone. But that isn't the point and isn't my intent. I want to spend time with people. I just want the things that we talk about to matter. I know too many people.

Maybe I should distance myself from all but five people, then I could be a good friend to those. The problem is that I know too many amazing people, people that I enjoy being around that make me think about things when we talk.

Maybe I should get married. I could use that as an excuse to spend less time with people. But I'm not looking for an excuse. I'm looking for a way I can create deep meaningful relationships with everyone I meet.

Maybe I have the wrong outlook on friendship. Maybe people just want to know other people so that they can greet them when they pass, because it's polite to do.

I have an idealistic "all or nothing" outlook on friendship because I can never do it myself. I always realize that I haven't been giving my "all" in a friendship when it is too late to leave and give "nothing".

I'm trying.

yo.